Why I Love Solo Dates

Without doubt, one of the best things I’ve done this year is reinstate the solo date.

I began taking myself on dates when I lived alone, abroad, in Hong Kong. Really, it was out of necessity than bravery: there’s only so many social occasions one can commit to as an introvert. I enjoy my own company, but didn’t want to be stuck indoors all the time. There’s a strange sort of stigma around spending time alone, in public. But there are myriad benefits to taking yourself on a date: you get to know yourself better; you can be selfish with your ordering decisions; you can indulge in those special just-for-you hobbies… I wanted to get comfortable with living alone in a complete sense. So, I started small.

Start small

My first solo date was simple. A cosy after-work cinema date. In my mind, it’d be easier to choose something that was already fairly solitary. A cinema trip was just right since you don’t chat during a movie, and I’m hardly a film connoisseur so don’t need the post-viewing debrief. Hotdog and drink in hand, I cosied on in to watch The Intern at Tsuen Wan Broadway Cinema and it was a really affirming evening for me.

Next, I packed a book and my earphones to sit in a coffee shop by myself on a Sunday afternoon. I perched on a breakfast bar at the window, sipped my flat white, slowly ate a coffee and walnut cake and read for hours. If I remember correctly, I was the only person there alone. And I felt it.

Of course, I always recommend doing something that is mildly in the orbit of your comfort zone. Don’t put yourself in compromising situations. I started incredibly small, eventually working up to solo trips!

Focus on yourself

Whenever I talk about solo dates, I’m usually asked whether I find it daunting or embarrassing to be on my own. The answer (now) is no but, like I said, I distinctly remember feeling extremely self-conscious when I purchased my one (1) cinema ticket and meekly sat down away from everybody else in the theatre.

The beauty of dating yourself is that this is where the journey is supposed to begin. With you. Let the self-consciousness seep in thickly, for this is how you’ll likely uncover the insecurities or untapped feelings about yourself.

On a recent solo date, I took myself out for dinner following my last day at work. I went to one of my favourite restaurants – journal and Kindle in hand – and luxuriated in ordering a starter and main meal for myself, without the obligation to share or feel any guilt about my choices. In my journal pages that evening, I wrote at length about how I felt now that I’d wrapped up my former role, but I also ruminated why I’d chosen a solo dinner date to celebrate. Was I feeling particularly busy and stressed? Had I scheduled in too many group occasions? Did I feel self-conscious about my eating habits? It was a yes to all of the above, and I’m grateful that I took the time to check in with myself – it gave me some good food for thought and things to work on.

There’s nothing quite like a romantic date night with my boyfriend (seriously, he is incredible at planning dates!) but there’s equally nothing like a date night with myself. I discover new things about myself all the time, plus it’s so special to indulge in my favourite activities and hobbies.

Keep it up

Making solo dates a regular occurrence has been a real game-changer. I typically schedule in one per month, which works perfectly amongst a full-time job, seeing my boyfriend, family time, a consistent gym schedule and seeing friends a couple of times a month.

Getting used to making time for yourself takes some getting used to.

We’re all so happy to push aside responsibilities and other things for an extra brunch with friends, so why can’t we do the same for ourselves?

Over time, I’m certain you’ll feel the benefits of taking yourself out for a date.